Traveling Without Kids

Today I am boarding an airplane to Arizona to go to my cousin's funeral, and I am going by myself. The times I have traveled by myself since I had kids can be counted on one hand.  Usually a family trip entails at least a week's worth of planning and writing notes to myself of what I need to be sure to pack so Nathan or Jacob can have as smooth of a trip as possible (since kiddos with autism HATE the change of their schedule).

I can't even tell you how nice it is to not even have to worry about packing kids, changing schedules, and worrying if they will even sleep once we get there. Also, the more children we have had, the more we have traveled as a family in our car.  Airline tickets are so pricey and when you have to rent a minivan when you get there...well, that isn't cheap either.  So, for car trips I feel like I am packing everything but the kitchen sink: snacks, DVDs, entertainment, clothes, toiletries, toys, drinks, alarm clocks, noise makers, pillows, blankets.  Nathan ALWAYS needs his pillow and blanket when we travel--I've got to at least keep that the same because he never sleeps well on trips.  In fact, I usually come home from a family trip SO EXHAUSTED that I can't wait to get everyone back in their own room where they belong.  

So, today have all the stuff I need in a neat little carry-on and I have a book to read on the plane. Who knew traveling solo could be so easy? I just feel like I am forgetting something...maybe it is because I didn't pack the kitchen sink:).

Unpacking Boxes in the Closet

Two weeks ago on Saturday my hubby and I undertook a MAJOR project:  Looking through all those moving boxes in the closets that we haven't unpacked yet.  Yes, I know we have lived in Utah for 2 and 1/2 years and you would think we'd be completely unpacked and organized by now.  Nope.

Most of the boxes were full of scrapbooking stuff or beautiful pictures that the kids drew that I have saved (and I need to scan)...the problem is I have over 18 years worth of it.  Sigh!  That stuff got left in boxes.  I will get to it someday.

We did pull out the picture books that I had put together when Jordan and Nathan were little boys and it was cute to see my babies again (since they are both bigger than I am now).  Funny that the picture books ended when Jacob was born.  Maybe some moms can keep up with picture books and scrapbooking, but I wasn't ever one of those moms.

The other boxes I FINALLY unpacked held all my "craft room" and sewing stuff.  My crafting stuff was in three closets and a dresser that has been in the garage since we moved in.  Any time I needed something crafty (like the glue gun or yarn or sharp scissors) I have been running from room to room trying to find it.  Now it is all in Nathan's closet (he doesn't use his closet much so I have now officially taken it over.)

It took us most of the day.  Justin was done after lunch but I wanted to get all my craft stuff organized so I was organizing until dinner time.  But hey, I can find everything now and it is all in one place! Woot! Woot!  Now I just need to tackle my master bedroom closet...maybe in another 2 and 1/2 years I'll be ready:).

Shaving the "Stache"

Confession:  In the winter time I am not very good at keeping my legs shaved.  I figure I have pants on so my legs don't see the light of day anyway.  Why bother, right?

Well, unfortunately you can't put pants on a face, and Nathan is old enough now to be growing some facial hair.  Lately I have had to learn to shave Nathan's face.  Yikes!  I'm always scared I'm going to cut him.  This kid can grow a pretty good 'stache at 15, and I'm sure he is going to have a full beard before long.  My husband has had to teach me where I can shave with the grain of the hair and against the grain.  Whew!  I never knew shaving facial hair was so crazy!  I also have to make all these facial contortions (that I hope Nathan will copy) when I shave him so I can get all those hard to reach places (like right under the nose and just below the bottom lip).

I know you are wondering why my husband doesn't shave Nathan.  Believe me, he has!  He isn't always available though, so the task often falls to me.

So, today I am thankful that I am not of the male species--I'm glad I don't have facial hair that I have to shave on a daily basis.  At least I can get away with wearing pants in the winter time:).

#shaving #shavingkidswithautism #parentsofkidswithautism

Farewell, Dear Cousin

It is interesting how one phone call can change your day.

I received word yesterday afternoon from my mother that my cousin Christine (age 45) passed away. She collapsed at church Sunday while she was sharing her witness of Jesus Christ to the women of her church congregation.  She had been on life support for a day and they had to revive her several times.  We have been praying for her as a family, hoping that she could stay with us on earth a little longer.  It must have been her time to go, because she was very healthy.

It is hard to say, "Thy will be done" to God when the situation is so personal.  Ultimately I have to trust that His wisdom is greater than mine.

Christine was an energetic woman of faith that I have looked up to and admired since I was a child. Christine was my oldest female cousin on my dad's side of the family.  She was positive, outgoing, and happy and she served and loved others her entire life.  She married young and raised 4 beautiful children with her husband.  She became a grandmother to her first grandchild this past year. Her youngest son is scheduled to leave on a two-year mission for our church next month to Brazil.

It is at times like these that I have to step back and really think about the things that are the most important: Faith and family.  I don't believe that God gave us these wonderful loving families only until death do us part.  I believe that these family relationships carry on past the grave.

Until we meet again, my dear cousin, Christine!  You will be missed!

#untilwemeetagain #death #faith

Escape of the Ring

Yesterday at church Nathan finished his sticker puzzles a little early, so my husband (who was sitting next to him) was entertaining him as best as he could.  In a brilliant flash of inspiration (or so he thought), Justin gave Nathan his wedding ring to play with and try on.

Nathan got the ring on his finger and then tried to get it off, but it was stuck.  After trying to help him get the ring off for a minute, Justin gets my attention at the other end of the pew and asks if I have any lotion.  What?  He showed me the problem.  By this point Nathan was getting quite upset that the ring wouldn't come off his finger and was starting to say "Help" every 10 seconds quite loudly.  I didn't have any lotion, so he took Nathan by the hand and pulled him out of the meeting as quietly as he possibly could.  Mind you we were on the second pew from the front, so anything we do is quite obvious.  Nathan continued to say "Help" every few seconds as Justin took him out while the rest of us sat there giggling at the hilarity of the situation.  I'm sure the person speaking at the time didn't find it very funny:).

Anyway, about 5 min later Nathan came skipping down the aisle back to our pew, happy as a lark.  Justin had been able to get the ring off Nathan's hand in the bathroom with some soap.  Crisis averted!  Nathan kept grabbing Justin's hand after that to gaze at the offending ring, probably wondering why in the world Justin would ever put a ring on his finger.  Memo to self--Never let Nathan try your ring on again.

#funnyautismstory #escapeofthering #parentingkidswithautism

Thankful for Dirty Dishes?

Dear God,
Today I am thankful for dirty dishes.  I know, I know, you are wondering what amazing transformation happened to me.  Dirty dishes are usually one of my least favorite things to do.  But, I was thinking this morning that instead of dreading the dirty dishes I should find something positive about them.  So, here it is: I am thankful for dirty dishes, because it means that my family had something to eat this morning.  That is something to be grateful for.

I am thankful that I have food to eat when there are many people all over the world that don't have enough to feed their family.  There are families out there where the parents go hungry so the kids can have some food, because that is what parents do.  So, yes!  Today I am thankful that I have dirty dishes to wash and a table to wipe off and a pantry with food in it.  Isn't it amazing what a simple change in attitude will do?

Your grateful daughter,
Tamara

#dirtydishes #gratitude #thankfulforfood

My "Lived In" Home

If you came in my home, you would see the dining room on the right.  But, you will not see a beautiful dining room table with a centerpiece all beautiful and decorated perfectly.  You will see "Nathan's table."  It usually looks something like this:

It usually has a couple of puzzles on it, some word dice, a book of word puzzles, a CD or two that has a book to go with it, a squishy stress ball and any other thing that he might find interesting.  (Like the Disneyland bag that he LOVES that is front and center.)  Nathan (age 15 with autism) knows he can spread out his things all over this table and has been doing it for years.

In other words, your first impression of our home would be that it looks lived in.  Obviously I'm okay with that or I wouldn't be showing it to you:).  Sometimes I think we average folk look at these fancy home decorating magazines and think that our homes have to look like that every day, all day long. I think having kids smothered the perfectionist in me, and I have come to realize that my house isn't going to look magazine perfect today, tomorrow or maybe until we have to move again someday (and I HATE having to keep my home nice enough to show.)  

I'd rather have a card game by the kitchen table on the floor showing that is what we played last night after dinner.  I'd rather have my living room strewn with books and magazines because it shows my kids were reading.  And my living room pillows never seem to stay on the couch the way they are supposed to.  Oh well. 

Don't get me wrong by thinking we never clean.  We do.  My kid's least favorite word is chores (and probably homework).  So, if you have ever worried that your house isn't picture perfect, just remember the picture from my house and cut yourself some slack.  There will be days for perfect houses someday, but for today choose be happy with "lived in."

#livedinhome #normalformemom #autism #livingwithkids

Chasing the Blues Away!

Our first winter in Utah two years ago was quite hard for me to adjust to.  We had some terribly cold weather (to me) and I felt myself drifting toward depression as we hadn't seen the sun for over a month.  I frantically looked at my husband mid-January and told him we HAD to go visit my family in Arizona that next long weekend.  We did.  We loaded the car and made the 12 hour drive down to the warm Arizona sun.  The highs that weekend were in the low 70s and we spent the afternoons at the park with my children and their cousins.  Glorious sun!

It made me wonder why the heck we moved to Utah!  Oh yeah...that thing called "a job."

I was so sad to return to the gloomy overcast skies in Utah after that weekend.  Shortly later my doctor found I was deficient in vitamin D3.  Vitamin D is something you get from the sun.  I realized that my "breakdown" and intense desire to head to Arizona was quite medically based.

I have since implemented a serious regime of taking care of myself during the winter months.  I try to keep walking outside (for as long as possible).  I am not too proud to say that I have become a "mall walker" on days that are too wet and dreary and snowy to brave the outside.  I also open the shutters to my windows every sunny afternoon to try to find a spot to read for a few moments and absorb some of the suns glorious rays.  Vitamin D3 has become one of my important supplements for a couple of years now.  I've got to keep these winter blues away!

#winterblues #vitaminD3 #SAD #keeping healthy

Meeting New Friends in Unlikely Places

I was standing in front of the two-story tall moving display entitled "Newton's Daydream" at the Clark Planetarium in SLC yesterday when I met a new friend.  You see, I had been standing there for at least 15 minutes while Nathan watched this amazing audio-visual display of balls going in and around and through these metal chutes.  I noticed that most kids would interact with the display or watch it for about 5 minutes then move on to the other displays.  Then I noticed another mom keeping her eye on her little boy who had also been watching the display for a long time.  As I watched him, I noticed that he, like Nathan, was obsessed with it and was "stimming."  Stimming is when a kiddo with autism is doing a repetitive action like hand flapping, moving their fingers, or rocking over and over.  So, I approached her with the comment, "It looks like you and I are going to be here for a while."  We struck up a conversation where I asked if her son was also on the spectrum. She replied that he was.

For the next 15 minutes, while our kiddos enjoyed the visual stimulation of this amazing display, we talked about everything from potty-training kids with autism, and getting them to sleep, to schools and services that our children were receiving.  I had a new friend!  Though we had just met, I found that we related in so many ways!  She commented, "It is so nice to meet someone that I don't have to explain my son's behavior to.  You get it!"  And I did "get it."

To you parents who have kiddos on the autism spectrum, there are other parents out there that "get it."  You are not alone in your world that seems so different but so "normal for you."  Find the support groups in your area.  If you don't have one, start one.  It is always fun to exchange stories with other moms and laugh or cry about the crazy things our kids do.  For others, if you know a parent with a kid on the spectrum, be kind and understanding if you find us in front of a display for 30 minutes or if you see us with a tantrumming kid in the grocery store.  We all have challenges! Some challenges are just more apparent than others.  A little kindness goes a long way.

#autismsupportgroup #makingnewfriends #autism #kindness #stimming

A Penny For His Thoughts

Have you ever wondered why a child with autism is thinking?  As a mother of two kids on the autism spectrum, this has certainly crossed my mind.  Sometimes my son Nathan will just burst out laughing and I have found myself wishing I could peek into his mind and see what was so funny.

My high-functioning son, Jacob, drew this picture over a year ago when he was 11.  He is my little cartoonist, so it is quite funny to see the expressions on some of the "ideas" that he drew.  This picture was my first peek into what really happens in his brain.  The picture shows how sometimes kiddos with autism have multiple thoughts happening at the same time and they have to figure out what they want to try to focus on.  Notice that some of the "ideas" are crossed out.  That was his way of deciding what he was going to think about.

So, there it is.  I finally got my peek inside the brain of one of my kiddos.  A penny for your thoughts?

#autism #thoughts #drawingofkidwithautism #pennyforyourthoughts

My Puzzle Master!

Nathan has always had a mind that can see things in a different way.  He can do a complex puzzle quite quickly.  Here he is putting together a 500 piece puzzle.  I love my boy with autism!

Our Family's Miracle Sleeping Medicine

I am thankful for Melatonin!  Melatonin is a hormone that your body produces that helps you sleep. It can also be purchased as an over-the-counter supplement.

I am not alone when I testify that kiddos on the autism spectrum have a hard time sleeping through the night.  I was baffled and exhausted by this when my kiddos were younger.  Why would Nathan frequently awaken at 2:00am for the rest of the day?  Why did it sometimes take him until midnight to fall asleep?  Because Nathan is low-functioning on the autism scale and would only echo me if I asked him a question, I was left perplexed and exhausted!

We finally took him to a neurologist and talked to the man about Nathan's lack of sleep.  He suggested we try Melatonin.  The cool thing we found was that Melatonin is even made in a chewable tablet.  This was perfect for Nathan because he has never been able to swallow pills!  So, we began our testing period with the Melatonin and were amazed that that all of a sudden Nathan was falling asleep quickly.  The crazy thing was that as he got more sleep, his tantrums decreased.  Imagine that! I believe that kiddos with autism have SO MUCH going on in their brain at night that it is hard to turn it off.  A small dose of Melatonin helps them feel tired enough to stop their brain and go to sleep. The blessing is that when kiddos with autism get more sleep, all of the other negative outbursts (like tantrums) decrease because they are more rested.  The same is true for me.  When I get my sleep I am a better person and less grumpy!

Some people need less melatonin than others.  My husband can take 3mg and be asleep in 5 min.  I, on the other hand wasn't effected at all by 3mg.  Working with a pharmacist I was able to discover that I needed 5-10mg to get to sleep (especially when my mind was racing at night).

So, if you have a child with or without autism that is struggling to get to sleep at night, talk to you doctor about Melatonin.  It may be a life-saver to you and your family like it was to mine.

PS--One note of caution.  I have a sister that is on anti-depression medication who started taking Melatonin and she found that she became more depressed.  After further research she found out that there is that slim possibility for people who are taking anti-depression meds to become worse with Melatonin.  So she stopped taking Melatonin immediately and has gone back to normal (for her).

Are Your Kids Bathroom Readers?

Does the side of your toilet look something like this?  If so, you might be raising readers.  How in the world do you get kids to enjoy reading?  Yesterday I blogged about how I love to read. As a parent, I also hope that I can instill the love of reading in my children (especially with the amount of video games abounding today).  Let me tell you about my kids (even the ones with autism) and how I incorporate reading into their lives.

Jordan (17):  Reading didn't come naturally to this kid.  It was only after 4th grade that we found the right doctor to take him to: a developmental optometrist.  After a series of tests, they found out his eyes didn't track together (among other things).  He started vision therapy (think of physical therapy for your eyes) and was able to teach his eyes to work like "normal people's" eyes work. Unfortunately, he was at a severe disadvantage compared to his peers whose eyes had been working normally since they were born.  He is still delayed in reading, but I found some cool books called "graphic novels" that really sucked him into reading (check out your local library to find some). Graphic novels are comic books that tell the same story books tell but with lots of pictures.  They even have graphic novels now for several of the Percy Jackson books, Twilight books, and even some old classics like A Wrinkle in Time.  Jordan is now reading frequently on his own and has recently enjoyed going through the Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz.  He also enjoys audio books.

Nathan (15):  Nathan is low-functioning on the autism spectrum, and he can read, but he has a hard time with comprehension.  I have read to my children since they were old enough to sit on my lap and look at books.  We also have enjoyed frequent trips to the library, especially in the summer.  Nathan's favorite way to read books is audio books.  I am probably one of the few mothers out there that checks out books on cassette tape and CD 20 at a time during the summer to keep Nathan happy and busy.  He also has enjoyed videos of people reading like http://www.storylineonline.net/.  A word of warning though, Nathan has also adamantly asked for every book on Storylineonline that he loves. But, he reads one of those stories each night to himself now before bed (with the inflection and intonation of each of the actors that reads them online.)  I'm glad Nathan can find joy in a good book!

Jacob (12):  Jacob is high-functioning on the autism scale and can often be found with a book in his hand.  He has even gotten in trouble for reading at school when he was supposed to be paying attention to what the teacher was saying.  Jacob took to reading like a duck to water.  He has loved reading and devouring books ever since he was old enough to pick up a book.  He loves book so much that he has actually written and illustrated several of his own.  He started doing this when he was 7 or 8 and would staple pages of loose-leaf paper together and then draw elaborate cartoon pictures with simple stories to go along with the drawings.  He is currently devouring a book about the building of the atomic bomb "Bomb," on the Kindle.  Jacob is always asking for more books and could seriously break my budget with his desire to own many, many books.

Noelle (10):  Noelle has also always loved books.  She loves going to the library, but is more picky about the series she will read.  She has enjoyed the Magic Tree House books and the Captial Mysteries.  At age 8 she insisted she wanted to start the Harry Potter series, although I think she only made it through book 4 (I did paperclip a few pages together in that 4th book that I thought were a little too dark for her).  We all enjoyed the entire Harry Potter series on audiobook this summer.  It was a nice break from "electronics" and my kids LOVED listening to Harry's fun adventures.  Noelle has also enjoyed the Fablehaven books, a few of the Anne of Green Gables books and is currently going through the Ramona books.

I have loved reading to my kids since they were young and doing all the "voices" in the books.  For me, reading has been a fun way for me to help my kids quiet down at night or go on an imaginary journey in the summer.  As they have gotten older have read them chapter books and incorporated audiobooks.  You can even find electronic versions of audiobooks with libraries online now.

A word of warning about raising readers and having books in your bathroom:  You might not be able to use the bathroom when you need to, because readers tend to spend a LONG time in the bathroom doing their business.

Confessions of a Book-Lover

I LOVE to read!  I started reading as a young girl and have never really stopped.  As a teen I could often be found reading with a flashlight under my covers (hours after my bedtime) so I could see if Nancy Drew saved the day again.  Heavens forbid I be left in suspense all night!

You would think that being the mother of two kiddos on the autism spectrum that my library would be full of books on autism.  You'd be wrong about that!  I have read many books on autism, but I live and breathe kids with autism every day, and I have found the LAST thing I want to read when I get a moment to sit down and relax is a book about children with autism.  So my bookshelf is full of fun adventure books and clean romance novels.  I have the Harry Potter series up there, the Percy Jackson series, the Eragon books, the Inkheart books, the Anne of Green Gables books, the Twilight series and many, many other favorites.  My favorite things to buy at garage sales are kids books (much to my husband's dismay because he thinks we have WAY TOO MANY BOOK to begin with).

A friend introduced me to the Fablehaven books this past year by Brandon Mull.  After I returned the first book she loaned me, I had to go to the library to find the second book.  I looked and looked for it all through the young adult section of the library I finally humbled myself to go and ask the librarian where the Fablehaven books could be found.  "Ma'am, you'll find that series in the children's section."  Oh, really?  I guess I love children's books way too much!  They are fun, clean adventures and most of them are not too dark or too gory.  The Michael Vey series has also recently sucked me in.  But I HATE WAITING for the next book to come out:(.  I don't know why authors can't write as quickly as I can read j/k.

I have learned that I can't start a big, long book when I have a lot to accomplish.  When I start a book it sucks me in and doesn't spit me out until I have turned the last page.  My husband tells me the house could burn down while I'm engrossed in a book and I wouldn't notice (not entirely true...but I do tend to hyper-focus on my reading).  Kindle or paper books?  Easy--I prefer to turn the pages in my hand.  I'm an old-fashioned kind of gal.

Why the musings about books today?  Probably so I can confess that a book sucked me in last night and I went to bed at 12:15 because I couldn't put it down.  Maybe I can catch a nap today before the kids come home...as long as I don't start another book:).

Why I Wear Tennis Shoes Every Day

You will never catch me in a pair of 4 inch heels or pointy-toed shoes.  In fact, if you happened to look down at my feet almost any day of the year, you will most likely find me wearing a pair of tennis shoes or Crocs (in the summer).  I must quickly confess that I am extremely practical when it comes to shoes and that I don't wear them if I'm not comfortable in them!  

Yes, I realize that tennis shoes are not the most stylin' shoes, but I have never been the most style-conscious person.  Even when I was a teenager I did try to dress nicely but my family wasn't very well-to-do, so we didn't have the money to buy all those expensive name brand clothes or shoes.  I dressed nicely, but learned to live frugally.  This has served me well as I have "grown-up," gotten married and tried to take care of the needs of my family on a budget.  

In my mind, there are things that are much more important than having the newest and trendiest clothes. What I think is really important is what a person is like on the inside.  I have found that true worth and confidence comes from knowing and living like who we really are:  A son or daughter of God.  Knowing this has given me an inner confidence that cannot be bought with name brand clothes or pointy-toed shoes. Because I believe and know that I am a daughter of God, I have come to realize that all that stuff on the outside doesn't matter as much.  Isn't it neat to know that we can each be awesome without blowing the budget?!

I have learned that the most important thing I can put on every day is that light that comes from being close to God and knowing Him.  Prayer and personal scriptures study have been my keys to developing this confidence and knowledge that I am His child and that He loves me and you!

So, when you look at my comfortable and practical shoes, realize that this is how I prefer to run through life.  I have kids to chase and things to do that match my practical shoes.  I can love and lift and serve with tennis shoes on and that is okay.  

Let's all resolve to look a little closer at the people we meet and see beyond the shoes and the clothes to what really matters--who they are inside: divine sons and daughters of God.  Let's teach by example that God is more important than the things of this world.

Just a spoonful of a different food helps you develop a taste for it...eventually

The other night I served broccoli with our meal, and one of my sons, after eating all his broccoli grabbed another piece from the serving bowl and popped it in his mouth.  He then exclaimed, "Yummy!"

This was quite a shocker to me.  You see, Jacob (age 12), has high-functioning autism and kiddos on the autism spectrum often have reservations about the type of food they eat.  When he was little, he wouldn't touch noodles or meat.  Now he eats both...and broccoli, I might add.  How is this possible when these kids don't like to vary their diet?

I read an article many years ago that talked about how you have to try something 10 times before you develop a taste for it.  So, going off of that, I began setting aside a small little bowl with maybe 2-3 spoonfuls of our meal in it for Jacob and Nathan (our other son with autism).  They had to eat at least that much of the meal.  That is how I introduced beef stroganoff, chicken alfredo, kidney beans, and even broccoli.  You should see the servings these kids eat of stroganoff now that they are in their teens!!!  They are eating me out of house and home:).

It has been a blessing to our family to be able to have things that EVERYONE will eat.  Granted, there are still things like potatoes that I need to work harder on introducing to their diet.  I think it is a texture thing with the potatoes, but I will keep trying.  There is always room for improvement.

"Normal For Me" Story Video

This is a video of my "Normal for me" story.  Enjoy and share!

No soup. No soup. No soup!

My daughter woke up today to the sound of Nathan (15) yelling at me in the kitchen, "No soup. No soup. No soup!"

I am thrilled that he used his words instead of just throwing a tantrum as he would have just a few years ago (without my knowing what he was upset about).  You see, Nathan has low-functioning autism.  Anything he actually can verbalize, we celebrate:).

I was in the process of making Nathan's lunch for school.  He always keeps an eye on me when I do this, so that I don't put anything in there he doesn't want to eat.  All week long he has been eating rolled up lunch meat, a few slices of cheese, fruit, pretzels, water, capri-sun, and some gummies for a treat.  I thought he might want something different today in his lunchbox, but I thought wrong! Kiddos with autism often crave predictable schedules, foods, and routine.  Change is very hard for them.  That is why he ate spaghetti for lunch most of last year.  That is why he took the same thing to school today for lunch that he has eaten ALL WEEK LONG.  It's not that he doesn't like soup, because he devoured it the other night for dinner, and he has taken it to school to eat for lunch before (without the yelling).

I still am just tickled that he told me he didn't want it today, "No soup. No soup. No soup!"

He barely made the bus this morning with his new lunch safely packed.  My daughter later came downstairs and told me, "I prayed for Nathan this morning that he would calm down."  Thank goodness for answered prayers!

The catalyst that started it all....

For years now, I have felt God prodding me to publish a book telling my story.  My life hasn't exactly turned out how I thought or planned that it would.  But with each mountain I have climbed and each valley I have fought my way through, I have learned lessons that I don't think I would have learned any other way.

This is the first chapter of my story, Normal For Me:

It was a beautiful spring day in Arkansas following a long cold winter.  After dinner, I glanced out the window and saw couples and families walking down the street enjoying the warmth and sunlight before it faded into evening.  The end of a gorgeous day beckoned.

My husband, Justin, and I decided to follow suit and take the children on a walk.  We made it about half way down the street when our son Nathan began throwing a huge tantrum.   He didn’t want to go on a walk!  Nothing we could do or say could convince him otherwise.  (We even tried bribery, but it is hard when the words you say don’t penetrate into understanding.)

My husband took Nathan home, and I dutifully finished the walk with the other three children.  As the sun commenced its descent, my heart began to sink with it.  By the time I returned home, I was feeling overwhelmed and was wallowing in self-pity.

That night as I fell on my knees in prayer, the questions seemed to spill out of my anguished soul:

Why do we have two children with autism?

Wasn’t one enough?

Why is life so hard?

Why can’t we just go on walks like a normal family?

Why can’t we be a “normal” family?

Somewhere amidst all my blubbering came a firm, yet kind answer.  I will never forget the gentle and powerful impression that came to me at that moment.  God simply told me, “Tamara, this IS normal for you.”

This thought took me by surprise!  The truth of it resounded within me over and over, “This is normal for you.”  It was normal for me. 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had never known what it was like to have four “normal” children.  I have two “typically-developing” children, and two little boys that are blessed and challenged with autism.  This was normal for me.

Once I saw myself in that light, it seemed almost ludicrous to ask all those “Why” questions I had so intently been asking just moments before.  The answer was simple:  Tamara, this is your life!  These are the challenges you have been given. 

It was almost as if God was pushing back the fog of despair and doubt and lifting me to a higher level of understanding.  No, my life wasn’t what we would call “normal.”  But, then again, whose life is “normal?” 

We all have circumstances in life that make us feel a little abnormal or different.  We all have challenges that are unique to each of us.   Each of our lives is unique and “normal for us.”  The crazy thing is, that is what makes us, who we are!

Some of the challenges we face are very apparent because they are physical in nature.  With physically apparent challenges or disabilities, most people notice and desire to help.  I have met some of the most wonderful people because of my two boys with autism.  I have been the recipient of prayers, kindness, love, and service.  There are lots of angels out there (both seen and unseen), and God knows just when to send them to help.

The other challenges we have are deeply personal and known only within the confines of our soul.  Some of these challenges include insecurities, doubt, anxiety, depression and mental illness.  I believe that sometimes it is the inner struggles that are the most challenging because other people are not as aware of them.   No one walks around with a sign that says, “Chronic Depression,” “Insecure,” “Lonely,” or “Heart broken AGAIN.” 

To those of us who have battled with these inner struggles, may I tell you that you are not alone, even though you may feel very lonely. 

In my moments of greatest heartache, I have come to know that God truly does love me and care about me.  He is literally my Heavenly Father, and like any good Father, He desires to help His children. 

I have spent time on my knees and reading the wonderful accounts of those who have gone before in the scriptures.  I have learned that just because God loves me, doesn’t mean that He will take away my challenges, no matter how good I try to be.  The challenges I have are there to make me stronger.

For me, the experience on my knees that spring evening was a reality check that helped me realize, “Yes!  You are different.  That is the way you are.  Get over it!  Get on with your life, and quit complaining about it!”

That doesn’t mean that my life isn’t hard, or that I haven’t ever had to ask for help.  On the contrary, I believe that God gives us challenges that stretch us to our very limits and beyond.  Life is VERY hard. But I also believe that God won’t give us anything we can’t overcome or endure with His help.

Questions: 

1.  What “why” questions have you ever asked God in a quest for understanding? What answers have you received?

2.  Sometimes the answers come quickly, sometimes slowly, and sometimes we are left learning patience.  What have you found to help you to keep going when things are hard?

3.  What are some things that make you unique, and normal for you?