Kids and Social Media

My 10-year-old daughter went to "play" with friends yesterday and came home 45 min later.  When I asked her what she did, she said that her two friends sat there with their phones looking at Instagram the entire time.  Noelle kept inviting them to play, but they were too glued to their phones.

As Noelle looked over one of the girls shoulder, the girl was astonished to find a scantily clad photo of women on her Instagram feed.  She quickly "unfriended" that person.  Noelle's other friend had to also "unfriend" someone that kept swearing.  I admire these girls for doing the right thing, but my daughter came home feeling very unsettled about the image she had seen.

My post today is one for you parents out there. What do you do to protect your children from the onslaught of negative words and images available so readily at their fingertips?

Ironically, we just had a chat our children on Monday night about what to do if they ever saw pornography...shut down and tell a parent.  I feel like there is a battle going on every day, and I need to remind my children to put on their "Armor of God" because Satan is on the offensive--trying to shoot our kids with offensive images that are available at the click of a button (many of which are unsolicited).

How do you prepare your kids to fight their daily battles?

Getting Boys to Hold Still at School? Really?

I wish more teachers were aware of how to teach and engage boys! As the mother of 3 boys (who have always had a hard time sitting still), this is something I am passionate about. One hundred or more years ago, these boys were out working their energy off in the fields. That is what made them successful...and now we want them to hold still for hours on end in school? Yikes. I love this professionally done clip that talks about how we can help boys be successful!
http://youtu.be/OFpYj0E-yb4

Running For Christine

An update on my cousin Christine that passed away suddenly last month at the age of 45.  She was preparing to run the Phoenix Marathon this weekend.  To celebrate her and her life, 26 members of the family and friends will each be running 1 mile of the marathon for her.  They will have on shirts that say "Running for Christine."  Her husband gets to run the last mile for her with more family and friends waiting at the finish line.

This is such a sweet gesture.  And it makes me want to pack my bags for Phoenix this weekend to join in this second celebration of her life.

https://www.facebook.com/christinesphxmarathon

Algebra, Oh Algebra, How I Don't Miss You!

To my high school Algebra teacher 20-plus years ago,

Do you remember how I asked you, "When am I ever going to use this?"  Well, I still haven't used any of that algebra.

Yes, I know my 6th grader is now doing algebraic equations that I couldn't help him with if I tried (thank goodness for Math Lab!)  I was reading over a question on his paper the other day.  Here is what the question said,

"Joel has twice as many CDs as Mariella has. Subtracting 7 from the number of CDs Joel has and dividing by 3 equals the number of CD's Blake has. If Blake has 25 CDs, how many CDs does Mariella have?"

What?  Really?  I would probably just write on there, "I would text Mariella and ask her to count them for me."  Yes, I know that isn't using the algebra that the teacher wants them to use, but I've never been a fan of math problems.  Don't even get me started on Common Core stuff...sigh!  I know that it is important to teach things so that different students learn how to "divide" in way they can understand....BUT if by teaching them 4 different ways to divide, some kids NEVER learn to do it proficiently or are so confused that they can't figure out the answer anyway, is that really beneficial?

Okay, I'm off my soapbox.

I am glad there are scientists and mathematicians who do know and LOVE Algebra so that I don't have to.  I am glad we each have our own strengths and that we don't have to be perfect in every subject!  Whew!  And I am glad that I don't live in a world where I have to do Algebra every day.

Kindness of Others

Last fall we took the kids out to eat for their good grades to a local restaurant.  I always try to go somewhere like that prepared for if Nathan gets upset, so I brought a Game boy with Nathan’s favorite game (Mario Kart) and an IPod.  We sat down and about a minute into our stay Jordan called and I told him where we were.  Nathan saw me pull my phone out and talk to Jordan.  Shortly after he then started whining and saying IPod.  So, I offered him the IPod, which he refused.  Then I got out the Game boy.  He refused that as well. 

Every once in a while I feel the need to be stubborn right back at Nathan.  I didn’t want to give him my phone because I had brought other items that I knew he could and would play with.  So, our lovely 15 year old started pitching a very big fit at the restaurant yelling very loudly “No” at everything I offered him.  After 2 minutes of Nathan yelling Justin finally had to take him out to the car screaming and crying and we ended up taking our meal “to-go.”  Yes, my stress level was at about a 10 out of 10 at that point.  But I was stubborn and wasn’t going to back down.

Yes, I probably should have given him my phone and the evening would have been just fine….but what is that teaching Nathan?  It is teaching him that if he pitches a big enough fit, that mom will give me anything I want.  Is that what I really want to be teaching him?  No, not really.  I want to teach him that even though he has autism he has choice “A” and choice “B” and that Mom isn’t going to cave to whatever his whim is.  Does that make me a bad mom, maybe…but maybe it doesn’t.  We still had a great evening at home with our kids eating “to-go” food.

As I was waiting for our “to-go” food a sweet elderly woman that had witnessed the whole scene our family created came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.  She told me, “You have great blessings awaiting you in heaven.”  Now, I don’t usually tear up when strangers talk to me, but I did that night.  I simply said, “Thank you.”  To all you strangers out there, a little kindness and understanding goes a long way!

Kudos to all the moms or dads out there that have ever had to deal with a tantruming toddler or special needs child.  It is never easy.  Just going to the store or the restaurant requires special planning, a little stubbornness, and a lot of love.  But don’t worry--blessings await you in heaven.

Spaghetti Shirts

The kids painting in their "spaghetti shirts."

Not so many years ago I used to have all my kids wear "spaghetti shirts" to the dinner table when I served spaghetti. I had a stash of large shirts t-shirts that would completely cover their outfit (kind of like a dress) so they could eat their spaghetti and I didn't have to worry if they spilled on their clothes. It was a blessed arrangement that made dinner much less stressful for me.  When we were done eating I could hose the shirts off in the sink and then wash them for the next use.

The "spaghetti shirts" also got pulled out anytime we did painting or any other messy thing. Sometimes I would let them wear them to go splash in puddles when it rained in the spring or summertime. We would also don the "spaghetti shirts" when we were dying Easter eggs when the kids were small.  I have some very fond memories of our "spaghetti shirts."

The great thing about spaghetti shirts was that it didn't matter if the kids got them dirty or stained because that is exactly what they were for...to get dirty and stained.  Not too many months ago I pulled out the basket of "spaghetti shirts" from my closet.  I smiled as I thought of the fun memories associated with that bunch of stained shirts that didn't fit any of my kids anymore.  Like many other things, they have outgrown their "spaghetti shirts." It made me kind of sad to realize that we were done with that phase of their lives.  How is it that kids grow up so fast?  So today I will celebrate stained shirts and happy memories!

Spa at the Airport

Did you know that they now have spas at the airport? A few weeks ago when I was traveling, my flight was delayed by two hours and I wondered what I was going to do. So, I wandered the terminal...and what did I find? A spa. Seriously...where you can get a manicure and a chair massage at the same time. I thought, why not? 

It was so nice to sit there in the massage chair after rushing to get to the airport in time. It allowed me to let the stress be rubbed right out of my body. And lets not forget the nails. That was pretty fun to because as a full-time mom I don't usually take time for myself.

So, next time you are traveling and have a flight delay...think "Spa" for a little R & R before your flight. It makes traveling a lot more bearable!

#spaattheairport #takingsomemomtime

Braving an Outing

The other night I had to go pick up a picture I was having framed at a craft store.  Everyone was gone that evening except for Nathan and I.  So, he was my buddy.  Before we can go anywhere (that isn't scheduled) I have to let Nathan know where we are going, but I can't do that verbally (because he doesn't always understand what I tell him verbally).  So, I wrote on a piece of paper that we were going to the store to get a picture for daddy.  He said, "Yes," and off we went.

Nathan was in a happy mood, so he skipped into the craft store. When we got back to the framing area, the lady told me she was just finishing up with our picture, so we had to wait about 5 minutes. Nathan is not so great on waiting, so I started distracting him by asking him to name things that I pointed at, "cat," "snowman," "owl." Next he boosted himself up to sit on the counter while I played "Pat-a-cake" with him. Yes, I realize these tactics are things you would usually use for a 3-year-old, but that is what works for Nathan even though he is 16.

The way home was even more cute because he played "Peek-a-boo" with himself in the mirror on the front passenger side visor.  Hilarious! And that was my fun errand with Nathan.

We do get a few strange looks when we go places, but I am just pleased with the fact that we did it without a meltdown or having to bribe him with electronics. With kiddos with autism, sometimes it is the little baby steps that are huge milestones for them.

#takingbabysteps #goingplaces #autism

Laundry Tip Monday

Monday is laundry day at our house, which means I end up doing at least 6-7 loads of laundry each Monday. I really try to keep my schedule open so that I don't have to go anywhere--it is laundry day. This doesn't mean that I don't have to do any laundry the rest of the week, but I just try to get most of it done on Mondays.  While I am waiting for laundry to run I can also tidy the home, which always looks like it has been hit by a tornado by Monday morning.  I don't know why this is since we have the kids do chores on Saturday to tidy the home.  Oh well!

I thought that I would share a laundry tip today.  As I pull clothes out of the dryer, I droop shirts and pants than need to be hung over the dryer door (like the photo above).  I fold the other pants and shirts immediately and place them in the kid's individual laundry baskets that are on top of my washer and dryer.  Then, I put socks in the laundry basket.  The nice thing about having the shirts draped across the dryer door is that I HAVE to hang them up before I start drying the next load.  I also have installed rods to hang clothes in the laundry room so that I have somewhere nearby to immediately hang these clothes up. My other favorite thing is to either listen to an audio book or watch a favorite TV show while folding socks (this makes it more enjoyable for me). Once the laundry is done, the kids have to put it all away neatly in their rooms (at least I imagine that they put it neatly away).

My kids also know how to do laundry...to sort clothes, to fold clothes etc. and they help me with this in the summer time.  I'd LOVE to hear some of your laundry tips as well.  Happy washing day!

A Little Love

Yesterday I shared about Jordan's comments about his brothers. This is a great picture that shows that these brothers (though 2 are on the autism spectrum) do love and care about each other.

One great blessing of having Nathan (16, low functioning) in our home is that he is a peacemaker in our home. If anyone is sad, angry or upset it really effects him--so we have ALL had to learn to reign in our emotions or go to our room to vent. He is our happy boy that skips around the house singing at the top of his lungs. Also, if I am having a hard day, two minutes of snuggling with this boy brings me such peace. We can't help but love him!

So, Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Show a little love to those you love, and even a little love to those you don't love so much.  The world will be better for it.

Normal Brothers?

"Mom, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a normal brother that wasn't autistic," Jordan (17) commented to me a couple of days ago. He elaborated by telling me how fun it would be to be able to go on a double-date with his brother Nathan, or sing with him in choir or hang out with him in a normal teenager sort of way.

Jordan has always had such a tender heart and has always shown such love to his brothers. Sometimes I wonder if he would have been that way if he had "normal" brothers or if having two brothers on the spectrum helped him become more sensitive and loving. I'm not sure I have the answer, but I'm sure God sent Jordan first because He knew Jordan would care for and love his brothers no matter what.

I don't know why I always seem to get the "hard" questions, but we talked about it. I reminded Jordan that yes, both of his brothers are on the autism spectrum, but that we need to try to keep an eternal perspective about this.  I reminded him that he will have all eternity to interact with "perfect" and resurrected brothers and that he can "hang" with them forever.

Noelle reminded Jordan that when she got married he would have a "normal" brother...and sometimes my husband acts like Jordan's teenage brother by the teasing and joking that goes on in our home. I'm also not naive enough to think that teenage brothers always get along. So, overall, I am thankful that I have the sweet, loving family that I have. We're not perfect, but we are perfectly "normal" for us.

It's All About "Being Fair"

"But it's not fair! He has more than I do!" commented my daughter Noelle.  What was she talking about? Box Tops.  In this "fair" world, I had to make sure that she and Jacob BOTH had equal amounts of Box tops to turn in to their classrooms. Sigh!

This meant that I spent the next 30 minutes rummaging through my pantry and my garage (where I keep the Kleenex boxes) for any spare Box Top to be found.  Thank goodness I found enough box tops to keep life "fair" but now you will find my pantry littered with boxes (still containing food) that have had their Box Tops removed with the skill of a surgeon with scissors.  Well, maybe I didn't remove them quite so precisely.  It is probably good that I am not a surgeon.  But, I make a fairly decent mom because I saved the world from falling apart over unfair amounts of Box Tops.

White Shirt Casualties!

We had two white shirt casualties this weekend! My husband spilled some V8 juice on his white shirt while throwing it in the trash on Sunday morning, and my oldest son got some red dye on his brand new white shirt this Sunday at the dinner table.  

The boys were joking around at dinner and somehow my husband challenged my son Jordan (17) to let him put a drop of Dasani Drops--Strawberry Kiwi flavor (flavor enhancers for water) in his mouth.  Well, Jordan accepted his challenge and opened his mouth.  Just as Justin went to put a drop in Jordan's mouth, Jordan moved. I watched in slow motion as the lovely red dye squirted all over his collar and down the side of his shirt--all the while thinking, how much did I just pay for that brand new shirt???? So much for one drop! Sigh! Why do boys do these crazy things?

So, we have had two white shirts soaking in the sink for the past 24 hours...and I'm hoping they will come clean. I surely don't want to have to buy new ones for my funny boys!  Maybe I should just ban white shirts from the dinner table!

Working All Night, Boats & Nets

Yesterday in Sunday School we discussed Luke 5:1-11 where Simon Peter and those who worked with him had been fishing all night and hadn't caught anything.  Jesus came with a crowd of people and asked Peter (as he was cleaning his nets) if he could use his boat and push out a bit and teach the people from the boat.  Peter obliged.  After Jesus was done speaking he told Peter to take and cast his net in again, and as he did he caught so many fish that he had to call another boat to help him.

We had a really neat discussion about the principles taught in this story--and some things that I had never thought about before.  First, how many times does an opportunity to serve present itself we when have "toiled all night?"  At those times when we feel like we have nothing left to give, we may be asked to go out in "our boat" one more time.  What is the reward?  We catch more than we have been looking to catch--but we must have the faith to cast our nets in one more time.  Also, another insight is that when we have the Savior with us in our lives, that the work we do is more rewarding...or perhaps he will help us find another path to "catch men."

This is so applicable in parenthood as well.  There are many sleepless nights when we just want to fall in bed exhausted and be done for the night, but that sick or crying child make us keep going.  I can't tell you how many prayers I have sent heavenward on long nights...praying that this child will just go to sleep, or praying for another that is struggling.  I know God answers these prayers.  I have made it through too many sleepless nights with His help.

God bless all of you who feel you are exhausted and have "toiled all night" on a daily basis.  Know that God loves you, and that if you keep Him in your boat, and have the faith to cast your net in one more time that everything will turn out okay.

Haircuts!

"What do you do about haircuts?" the other mom of a child with autism asked me the other day.  Oh yes, haircuts:).

When Nathan was little he did NOT like getting his hair cut and wouldn't hold still either--I think it was the noise of the clippers and that they were touching his hair.  I have cut his hair ever since he was a baby, so doing it at home is a definite plus for kiddos with autism.  As a toddler, I tried to distract him during his haircut with his favorite shows by putting a movie in the VCR (that's what we had back then).  We progressed to the Ipod as a distraction, and now, believe it or not, he will sit through a haircut without a fuss without any electronics.  He has grown accustomed to the haircut and I try to make it fun and fast!  He likes to watch me in the mirror and plays with his hair as I throw it in the trash can.

Jacob told me this morning that he needed his "Winter hair cut off because it was going to be 64 degrees today." Ah yes, the reasoning of a high-functioning child who LOVES to watch the weather. He also would NEVER hold still for haircuts when he was younger, but now, he doesn't mind them at all. I guess my kids have gotten easier, in that sense, as they have grown.

God bless all of you still in the toddler phase of trying to hold still during haircuts. It gets better, I promise!

Answering Hard Questions

"Mom, do you think I will ever get married?" How do you answer a 12-year-old with high-functioning autism when he asks you that question?

As I tucked my sweet Jacob in bed last night, that was what he wanted to know. My heart ached as I told him that he was a wonderful young man and told him how much his mama loved him.  I also shared with him that I hoped someday a beautiful girl would also love him.  He had tears in his eyes by the end of our chat as I held him in my arms.  I hope and pray there is a girl out there somewhere that can see him and love him for his strengths someday.

People have asked me if it is harder to have a child that is low-functioning on the autism spectrum or one that is high-functioning.  As we enter the teen years with Jacob, I would have to confess that it is harder with high-functioning kiddos because they have this desire to do "normal" things but often their social skills leave quite a gap between them and their peers.

Nathan, though 16 now, is happy in his own little autism world and doesn't notice peers or want to "hang out" with anyone. He just wants his schedule to stay the same. His vocabulary will never be large enough for him to ask if he will ever get married.

God bless those parents out there that teach their children to be a friend to all kids!

Using Them Bones!

Don't throw those chicken bones away quite yet! For years I have been using chicken and turkey bones/skin to make broth...and it is so delicious compared to the stuff they sell at the store.  You may think, yeah right, Tamara.  I'm not some amazing homemaker that can do stuff like that.  Oh yes you can!  It is so easy!

After having picked a chicken apart, simply take the carcass and place it in a crock pot, cover it with water, add some salt, dehydrated onion & garlic, maybe a few celery sticks (you don't even have to cut them up) and set it on low overnight.  I also frequently add some Lawry's Seasoning salt. The longer your broth simmers, the more delicious it becomes.  When you are done, simply strain it and freeze it in meal size portions.  For example, I have several recipes that call for 3 cups of chicken broth, so I freeze my broth in 3 cup increments (in Freezer Ziploc Bags).  This time of the year I also LOVE to make some soup out of it.

I will include our favorite soup recipe below.  Happy cooking!

Turkey Tortilla Soup/Turkey & Rice Soup (Gluten-free)

(You can make this with Chicken as well and then you can choose if you spoon the broth over either tortilla chips or rice. I double this recipe for my family.)

4 cups of chicken or turkey broth (see above for how to make your own)

1 T dehydrated onion

1/4 tsp dehydrated garlic

1/4 tsp chili powder

1/4 tsp ground cumin

1 (14.5oz) diced tomatoes (can be mexican style)

1 T fresh cilantro (optional)

9 oz cooked, chopped chicken or turkey

Combine all ingredients in a crockpot to simmer 4 hours on low. The soup will be brothy. When ready to serve, crush tortilla chips (or place cooked rice) in the bottom of the bowl and spoon broth over the top.  Garnish with lime and cheddar cheese. 

And YES this is a recipe ALL my kiddos will eat! Yeah!

Sweet 16 Going on 4 and 1/2

My son Nathan turned 16 this past weekend, but you won't see him in the line at the DMV to get his license this week.  No, Nathan will never drive a car because he has low-functioning autism.  He is about a 3 or 4-year-old in a ginormous body.  He is sweet, happy, and can often be found singing songs from Disney's, "Frozen" at the top of his lungs as he tromps through our home.

This past year, his big accomplishment is that he has started entertaining himself with his toys around our home!  He loves to do word search puzzles on his own or read one of his favorite books or play with one of the toys we have found for him to enjoy.  Here is an example of some toys he got for his 16th birthday:

We love our sweet 16-year-old young man!  He brings such a peace to our home!  Happy Birthday, dear Nathan!  We love you!

Super Bowl Monday Morning

You'll probably think we're nuts, but even though my kids are HUGE Patriot fans we didn't watch the Super Bowl yesterday, at yet they are going to school this morning having watched the whole thing. They got up at 4:00 this morning to watch it with their dad (we DVRed it) and had all the Super Bowl snacks (chips and salsa and cheese and cookies) for breakfast.  (Mind you, I was sleeping.)

You are probably wondering WHY?  Well, many years ago my husband decided that for him "keeping the Sabbath day holy" meant no football on Sundays. I admire him for sticking to his decision--especially during the Super Bowl.  So, ever since then he has recorded the Super Bowl and watched it Monday morning before school and work.  Two of my boys are also football fans and they joined him this morning. Last night as they went to bed a little early, my husband commented to me that he was glad that they were doing this "male bonding" with a little lesson attached to it.  I guarantee that 20 years from now they will be telling their kids about Grandpa Anderson and Super Bowl Monday Morning:).

Yesterday was filled with church and talking to grandparents via Facetime, chatting in the living room and joking around, playing a board game or two, doing some family history, eating as a family and having a birthday party.  In a world where things are increasingly tugging on our family time, we have tried to reserve the Sabbath for God and family time.  It has brought us a measure of peace in our busy schedules.

I know different families do things differently, and I think everyone should make their own decisions as to what they feel is right for their family circumstance.  I am simply sharing what is "normal" over here at the the Anderson home and what we have found works for us.  We have always done things a little differently, and it has worked out just fine for our family.

What are some things your family does that is unique and normal for you?